It just got REAL up in here.

Okay, so you know how my last post was all, "Oh, we just had a baby and everything is going fantastic and he's perfect and we love him and everything is all roses, rainbows, sunshine and skittles?"

It is... sort of.

He is awesome.

But honestly? I'm tired.

These days (and nights!) are LONG, especially since I'm filling a lot of the time questioning every decision I'm making regarding Fischer's scheduling, feeding, sleeping... everything. I don't remember my other kids having tummy issues like he does and it makes me feel, well, pretty clueless actually.

I drove all the way into town yesterday (a 45 minute drive) with Jack and Fischer just so I could go to one store and buy some organic gas relief for his little tummy, some Mother's Milk Tea and Alfalfa supplements to help with milk production (just in case he's not getting enough milk and that's why he's so seemingly mad at me all the time).

I know this is my fourth baby, but honestly I feel like a rookie here. I'm probably just super tired, and not giving myself any grace whatsoever, but I forgot how hard this "beginning" part can be sometimes. I forgot how hard it is to live off of little-to-no sleep and one of the side effects is little-to-no patience for my older children, which kills me. I don't want to be the cranky Mommy who the kids only approach cautiously because there is no consistency in my responses to them.

I know that it will get better (RIGHT?) and things won't feel so heavy like they do right now in the newness of it all. The kids will survive if only because they have a Dad and grandparents who are filling in the huge gaps I'm leaving in my wake and I will survive eventually and we will all get through these first few weeks. Pretty soon it will be wonderful weather and we will be able to get out of the house more and enjoy and appreciate the sunshine, the seemingly endless possibilities that "Summer" always brings, new adventures, and each other.

I'm not trying to get any sympathy votes, I'm just trying to keep it real around here. Yes, our son is still awesome. Yes, I still think I've had the most amazing recovery ever. Yes, I still think I am beyond blessed to have the honor of even being the Mother to these four crazy sweet kids. I'm just realizing that each day is going to have to be taken moment by moment and that I'm going to have to give myself a lot of grace getting through each and every one of them.

This parenting schtick is humbling, you guys. Really, really.