Here are a few examples of my mad parenting skills via brain-candy-one-liners for your Monday morning reading pleasure. Don't judge.
"Seriously - you did not just eat that! That came out of the dog's mouth!"
"Do you see what parts of your body are completely under? Yeah, that's why we don't drink bath water."
"What exactly did you think would happen if you licked the floor when it had dog hair on it?"
"Nail polish is never an acceptable substitute for lip stuff. Ever."
"The grout between the tiles is not a maze for your markers."
"I know it smells funny, but standing in front of the muffler when the car is running is not a good idea."
"Just because you have the ability to fit that into your nose doesn't mean you should."
"Because there's no nutritional value in Play-Doh - that's why."
"Please don't use your brother as a jump for your bike. He said yes because he doesn't know what it means."
"The dog's water dish is not an acceptable place to wash your hands."
"This, THIS!, is why we can't own nice things!"