One Liners (part 2)

So, I just thought I'd share a few more one-liners because if I don't I will forget them - and really - who wants to forget these grand examples of model parenting?


- Yes, you have to use toilet paper!


- Sprinklers are different from showers. Please go put some clothes on.

- You're right, that doesn't work as a parachute, now go get some band aids.

- You can't find your gum!? Well, where do you remember chewing it last?


- The choke-chain-collar is a tool used only for the dog. Please go take it off your brother.

- No, playing games on the computer does not count as "exercise for your eyes."


- You can put your mouth on the vacuum attachment, but just know that if you do it's like putting your mouth on everything you've ever seen on this floor.


- "Gots" will never be a word. Ever. (Apparently I gots to have more impromptu vocabulary lessons during the summer...)

AND I have a "bonus" story (just because it's so darn cute!) that my Mom told me happened this weekend when the kids were at their house:

Over the years my Dad has passed on his love for the Native American culture to my children. They are fascinated by the culture and love learning everything there is to know about it. Well, I guess my Mom french braided Natalie's hair before church on Sunday and Natalie loved it (I don't know how to do it, so it was new to her). My Mom told Natalie that Indians used to wear their hair like that and apparently the look on Natalie's face was priceless (and now I have to learn how to french braid!). She then told her that Zach (my brother - side note: we were all adopted as infants) is part Native American. Natalie literally lit up and exclaimed, "Does that mean Mina's Indian too!?!" (Mina is his dog.)

I was going to say that I will be sad the day they grow up and stop saying stuff like that - but then I remembered that I'm a "grown up" *insert short joke here* and I still say stuff like that all the time. Pretty sure we're good.

One Liners

Here are a few examples of my mad parenting skills via brain-candy-one-liners for your Monday morning reading pleasure. Don't judge.

"Seriously - you did not just eat that! That came out of the dog's mouth!"

"Do you see what parts of your body are completely under? Yeah, that's why we don't drink bath water."

"What exactly did you think would happen if you licked the floor when it had dog hair on it?"

"Nail polish is never an acceptable substitute for lip stuff. Ever."

"The grout between the tiles is not a maze for your markers."

"I know it smells funny, but standing in front of the muffler when the car is running is not a good idea."

"Just because you have the ability to fit that into your nose doesn't mean you should."

"Because there's no nutritional value in Play-Doh - that's why."

"Please don't use your brother as a jump for your bike. He said yes because he doesn't know what it means."

"The dog's water dish is not an acceptable place to wash your hands."

"This, THIS!, is why we can't own nice things!"