Words

It's been a week tomorrow and I still don't have the right words. I just - I just...I don't know.

My heart is broken.

I am trying so hard to savor each moment and recognize it's beauty (even if it's hearing my kids argue and complain - at least  can hear them - there is so much beauty in that).

One thing I believe is that God is still good. He is just and loving and faithful and righteous and there is no bad in Him. He loves each and every one of us. Yes, we (as flesh beings) make bad (horrible and unthinkable) decisions sometimes and that hurts the heart of God, but because He gives us free will - bad stuff still happens - but HE is still good. He is here to cover us with his love and see us through the days where we feel like we just.can't.go.another.minute. He'll carry us.

I choose not to live my life in fear even though it is my first instinct when something like this happens but to trust that my mighty God will bring good out of every single thing that happens here on His earth. Because He promises that He will (Romans 8:28). I trust that. I trust Him.

Even though there are countless unanswered questions, I will not doubt the goodness of God and I will be grateful for my days, working as diligently as I can to bring (through Jesus' presence in me) glory to His kingdom through each of them.