I'm no marriage counselor. I haven't even been married that long (8 1/2 years), but I feel like over the course of these years I have learned a few things about marriage. There are some things that I can honestly say I had no clue about when we were just beginning on our journey. Marriage is hard work. It is humbling. It is exhausting. At times, it would be much easier to just throw in the towel. It's not always floating hearts, sweet words spoken and birds chirping.
That being said, I have also learned that it is so much better than I had imagined. On so many levels. My husband is my very best friend. I can tell him anything and know my words (and my vulnerable heart) are safe. When those times come that we do argue (or, a prettier word, discuss) I never worry about him throwing the "D" word out there or throwing past mistakes that I've made in my face out of spite. We don't dig up old dirt. We don't name call. We try really hard not to go to bed still upset. I know that at any given moment he's got my back. And I've got his. However, these things are much easier said than done and they were learned traits. Certainly not tendancies we were born with. It is hard, especially when you're mad, to fight well. We were both pretty green when we started out, but in the beginning of our marriage we learned (through much guidence) to shape our attitudes towards each other to be less self centered and more God centered and to build our marriage foundation on God's principles instead of our own. Everyday we have to make the choice to love. If we relied on a feeling or an emotion, we would have been done after the first big blow up. Love is not something that just comes and goes, it's a choice you have to make one way or the other, everyday. Somedays (most days hopefully) it's an easy choice. Some days though, it's a hard choice and sometimes it means big sacrifices that include putting pride on the back burner. We've both been in those shoes and they aren't the most fun to walk in, but they are the most rewarding in the end.
Everyday that we choose love over pride and forgiveness over bitterness we make our marriage stronger. We close the door to divisiveness and open the door to "happily ever after" a little wider.
That being said, I have also learned that it is so much better than I had imagined. On so many levels. My husband is my very best friend. I can tell him anything and know my words (and my vulnerable heart) are safe. When those times come that we do argue (or, a prettier word, discuss) I never worry about him throwing the "D" word out there or throwing past mistakes that I've made in my face out of spite. We don't dig up old dirt. We don't name call. We try really hard not to go to bed still upset. I know that at any given moment he's got my back. And I've got his. However, these things are much easier said than done and they were learned traits. Certainly not tendancies we were born with. It is hard, especially when you're mad, to fight well. We were both pretty green when we started out, but in the beginning of our marriage we learned (through much guidence) to shape our attitudes towards each other to be less self centered and more God centered and to build our marriage foundation on God's principles instead of our own. Everyday we have to make the choice to love. If we relied on a feeling or an emotion, we would have been done after the first big blow up. Love is not something that just comes and goes, it's a choice you have to make one way or the other, everyday. Somedays (most days hopefully) it's an easy choice. Some days though, it's a hard choice and sometimes it means big sacrifices that include putting pride on the back burner. We've both been in those shoes and they aren't the most fun to walk in, but they are the most rewarding in the end.
Everyday that we choose love over pride and forgiveness over bitterness we make our marriage stronger. We close the door to divisiveness and open the door to "happily ever after" a little wider.
Nicely said! So true, every word. I think you are wiser than you think you are. :)
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