My desire is to be set apart for Him. Set apart means being different than others...being set apart for Him means being different from this world. Certainly a battle I struggle with daily, but deep down my heart's desire is to be refined for His glory and to live for the Lord and what He has for me and not for the temporary trappings of this world (much easier said than lived out, this I know).
As I try to take inventory of my inner struggles, I realize that I have a lot of rough edges (read: A LOT). I sort of thought that I would just ask for some help and all of a sudden I'd just be...better. Better at all the things I struggle so much with.
Negatively focused sarcasm.
It literally hurts to see the (partial) list written down, but I feel like if I'm going to allow him to move in me I need to at least be real about it and take a good look in the mirror (and be vulnerable enough to share) for my own accountability and so that I don't internally sugar-coat it all.
The first definition I found of the word "refined" was this:
1) With impurities or unwanted elements having been removed by processing.
Oh boy, do I ever have impurities and unwanted elements - but I can feel the pain of having them removed by processing already.
I've been humbled. I've had to say I was sorry (a number of times already). I've felt that inner ache when I hear something fly out of my mouth that would have been better left unsaid. Already I have had to stop and pray in the middle of something before immediately allowing fear to take over. I've felt the pain in my flesh that comes from putting my own I-want-it-now desires aside and just plain waiting on the Lord to move.
God is working in me. He's working on my heart. But it is painful and it is not a quick-fix
I desire to be purified by the Lord for HIS glory, even when it's humbling, painful, and just plain hard, because there is a promise attached to his work...
1 Peter 5:10 (NIV) "And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast."
...I look forward to being strong, firm and steadfast - I look forward to being refined for HIS glory.