i heart him

My husband just took the dish rag out of my hands as I was starting to do the dinner dishes and told me to go upstairs and "put on comfy pants, turn on the heated blanket on our bed, and relax for a bit" while he does the dishes. To top it off, from upstairs I can hear him singing, "Blessed be the name of the Lord" while he's washing the dishes.

{SWOON!}

Wow, I love that man.

it's enough

I think most of you guys already know that I spent pretty much all of my twenties being unhealthy and very overweight and in that department I was miserable (my twenties are also when I got married and had 3/4 of my babies, so I would never say my twenties {in and of themselves} were miserable).

Around the time I turned thirty things started to shift. I started taking my weight-loss health seriously and in to my own hands. I had tried Weight Watchers a number of times before (with a lot of success!) but I knew I didn't want to invest money in a program like that when I already knew how to get healthy, I just had to choose to do it (which is always the hardest part!). That's when I started journaling my calorie intake and estimating my daily calorie burn (through MyFitnessPal) and slowly adding exercise in.

I've been in the "healthy weight" range of the BMI for a while now (3+ years if you don't count the weight I gained and then lost during and after my last pregnancy). I got down to my "goal weight" a while ago but the past few months a few pounds have slowly crept back on (7 pounds to be exact - but I'm still in the BMI "healthy" range).

At first this freaked me out because I was afraid of losing control and essentially giving it all up and gaining it all back.

That thinking is so dumb.

I still journal my food and I still exercise an average of 5 times per week. There are a lot of things I could be doing to get back down to my "goal weight" {like cutting out whole food groups and/or being freakishly obsessive} but why? I can run after my kids and sometimes barely fit into my clothes.

I'm HEALTHY.

And that's enough.

It's enough.

I proud of myself for how far I've come. I'm proud of myself for sticking with it. I'm happy that I'm healthy and obsessing over anything and everything beyond that is just plain vanity and being vain is for the birds.

It's enough. 

life lessons

Natural consequences are hard. I know this from personal experience, but what's even worse than personal experience is watching your kids get those personal experiences.

Not jumping in and "rescuing" them out of their self-induced situations is really difficult. It hurts the heart, but it is necessary.

Sticking with what you said you were going to do when what you had hoped wouldn't come to fruition does is miserable. Following through. Being okay with being the tough guy (in love) and just having to stay quiet and watch them learn through their situations just plain sucks.

This is the stuff no one tells you about. This is the figure-it-out-as-you-go garbage you wish you never had to learn.

It isn't serious stuff but since it feels serious to your kid it sort of is serious, you know?

Ouch.

Hurts of the heart today...

Tomorrow will be better. For my kid and for my heart. {Tomorrow: Get here faster!}

PHOTO DUMP!

Oh gosh. It's been crazy around here lately. The kind of crazy that requires me writing our schedule on an actual calendar. I've never had that busy of a schedule. It's actually annoying. Our family usually has a schedule that would look super pathetic written down, but it's becoming obvious that things be changin' 'round here.

So anyway, here's an overview (in pictures) of what's we've been up to since Jeff got home (PRAISE JESUS, he's home!).

This just because how could I not? That smile. OH THAT SMILE!

And this one, too. :)

Natalie had a Native American project to work on for the past few weeks. She *made* that dress (with the help of my Mom) - like they sewed it together. She also butchered a rabbit (well, my Dad did that part and don't worry, it wasn't a pet) and tanned the hide for the project as well. She is such an amazing student - she LOVES projects like this one and she did so amazingly well on it!

Such a pretty girl. Hard to believe it wasn't just yesterday they placed this 3 lb baby in my arms - she has grown up so incredibly fast!

First basket ball game for Carter (LEFT) this past Saturday. So much fun to watch him play! :)

Took a trip to the library between the basketball games. Fischer had fun "exploring" the library. {I did not have fun chasing him around making sure he didn't destroy the place.}

Our FABULOUS FOUR.

Add caption

Natalie's turn on the court!

Foggy and depressing? HEAD TO THE BEACH! {This was Sunday. It was gorgeous there!}

Warming buns by a beach fire. ;)

might have Monday

I might have had a kid throw up in my car yesterday. And then again all over the floor once we got home because apparently that's how it's done when Daddy's gone.

I might have allowed a child to sleep in my bed last night. That child might have peed. It might have been on Daddy's side of the bed. I might  not feel that bad.

We might have woken the baby up accidentally! when we were changing sheets in the middle of the night. Said baby might have screamed for the better part of a half an hour. That was pleasant.

I might have felt like throwing in the towel. I might have cried a little. I might have ended up just gritting my teeth, praying a little lot, and telling myself to suck it up - this is life and as much as I "complain," I wouldn't trade it for the world.

That being said, Jeff returns in T-minus 2 days, 7 hours and 13 minutes. Not that I'm counting.

this parenting gig

Some days are hard. Some are easier. Sometimes I wonder if I'm subconsciously screwing it all up and won't find out until later. But mostly, I look at our kids, our amazing (AMAZING!) kids, and I know that we've got to be doing something right; God is doing something everything right and we trust in Him.

Our kids are still kids of the human kind. They make mistakes, they're trying at times, we're all learning along the way, but man am I blessed to be their Mama. Even on our worst days (theirs and mine) I try not to take that for granted.

We're a team, you know? Our family. I don't ever want them to feel like life is some battle where it's us against them. I want them to know that even when they're not acting like who God has created them to be in Him, we're still on the same side and that I will always fight for them and stand with them in their struggles.

This parenting gig is tough though. Every day it's hard. But it's also about forgiving. About learning and evolving. About trusting that when I do mess up which is often, I can recognize it, know it doesn't define who I am, and move on and remember to give that same grace to my kids.

I've come to the conclusion that probably just about when our youngest is graduating high school, we'll have it all figured out...

{Sigh.}

life with "just" mommy

First of all this, because obviously.

Jack is missing his Daddy. Today after school we're going to make a paper chain and hold hands while singing Kumbaya to count down the days until Jeff gets home so we he has a visual because right now? Not handling things well.

He wouldn't get out of the car at drop off this morning (first day back to school after the long break). Jack begged me to walk to his classroom but speaking from experience that's a death wish for Mama. That kid will cling to my leg like a Spider Monkey and beg me to stay for the whole morning. If that doesn't work, he'll say he has a stomach ache and needs to go back home lest he throw up the steel cut oats he ate for breakfast all over the classroom floor all while I'm standing in the doorway of the Kindergarten room in my yoga pants, beanie, and Bogs praying away his sweet little tears. It kills my pride me.

After an hour a few minutes of back and forth, we decided he'd let Carter walk him to his classroom and I agreed to park in a parking spot that has a direct view of his classroom door and then stand outside the car and wait so that when he got to his classroom he could turn and wave at me.

At this point I feel like I could be a negotiator for the FBI. I'm fairly certain any Mom would qualify, Lord knows we all acquire the skills eventually. It's exhausting but it has quickly become a survival skill and I'm not above putting it on a resume that I dream of needing someday.

So, day three without Daddy is underway; ten more to go.

The count down continues!

leaving on a jet plane

Jeff left this morning for Nashville (and then from there he'll travel to Texas mid-week) and won't be home for almost two weeks. Is it weird that my heart physically hurts when he's gone? But seriously, it does {don't throw up}.

We got up at 3:30am this morning and I got to drive him to the airport. Even though it's freakishly early and I don't ever care to get up at that hour on a regular basis, I really liked getting that bit of time to have a cup of coffee with him and then the drive, too (35 minutes away - only possible because my parents were here if the kids had an emergency {which they didn't, obviously}). We got to talk and pray together on the way and it was just what our hearts needed. I know two weeks isn't a long time but it's still time away, you know?

Sometimes when he goes on business trips I dread the thought of parenting semi solo (granted, my parents are still around for a portion of the time) but after spending the whole day with my kids in town yesterday doing super fun errands like going to the bank and Costco, I was reminded just how amazing our kids are and that this next two weeks are going to be fine great.

Tennessee and Texas are lucky to have our guy for a little bit but they can't keep him. The two week count-down has begun!

...and so it begins.

Since the 3rd/4th grade boys basketball team at our school only had four kids sign up (and they're all my closest friends' kids - we're a really small school) Jeff and I had a long conversation and ended up deciding to allow Carter to play so that there will at least be enough kids for a team. This means that (at least part of) every Saturday from January 18th-mid March will be spent watching this sweet little team WIN play basketball.

I'm trying to focus on the joy it will bring to our son and the skills he will acquire during this season (my running partner's husband is their coach and he's GREAT) and that Jeff's love of basketball will bond him and Carter even closer as they'll have one more activity they'll love doing together.

I'm trying not to focus on the fact that we'll be dragging taking our three other kids to the games and trying to keep them occupied and not too distracted while we watch and cheer. I'm trying not to focus on the details (like gas money, weekends away, getting up early every Saturday...) and make this a fun adventure.

Still...it's hard not to think of it as the beginning of the end. Our kids love sports. Soccer was easier because although they enjoyed it, they knew it wasn't something they'd be doing forever (it's only offered through 6th grade here), but basketball? Once they start, they'll be playing through high school {sigh} but we know they're just going to love it like Jeff and I did as kids.

We had already agreed to let Natalie do track as a 5th grader this year (for the middle school). She is beyond excited. Since my Dad was a track coach for years and both of my brothers were track champs, she's pretty stoked for that, too.

So, here we go. Into the abyss of organized sports.

I guess we'll see you guys after graduation. Over and out.

{Mostly kidding. But seriously.}

be led

Don't you find January fascinating? It just seems so full of freshness. Everyone is letting go of whatever crap happened last year and looking forward to the newness of a clear calendar. Reflections are made as glances are cast in the rear view mirrors, sure, but more emphasis is laid on looking ahead with anticipation of better things to come. I love that. I do that. I think we all have to in some way.

I didn't make real "resolutions" so as not to hate myself in 3 weeks when I lose sight of them, but I did set some small goals for myself. Because I struggle a bit with living "in the future" (only looking forward to what I hope is to come and not appreciating life as it is right where I'm at) my goal is to simply enjoy being alive in Christ in the MOMENT I'm in. I've grown a lot spiritually this past year and in this coming year I want to be led by the Spirit and learn to live in complete dependency on Christ each day.

There are a number of other goals I have in mind (doing random acts of kindness daily, etc.) but they all fall under being led by the Spirit so I think I'll just leave it at that. 

Be led.

I honestly can't wait to see where Jeff and I are led this year. I know God is big and he can see so much farther and clearer than we can so things that just feel impossible for us are a non-issue in the Lord's mind. This excites me to no end.

We're ready - bring it on!

WELCOME, Two Thousand Fourteen!