"Certainty is the mark of the common-sense life: Gracious uncertainty is the mark of the spiritual life. To be certain of God means that we are uncertain in all our ways, we do not know what a day may bring forth. This is generally said with a sigh of sadness; it should be rather an expression of breathless expectation. We are uncertain of the next step, but we are certain of God. Immediately we abandon to God, and do the duty that lies nearest, He packs our life with surprises all the time. When we become advocates of a creed, something dies; we do not believe God, we only believe our belief about Him. Jesus said, "Unless you...become like little children." Spiritual life is the life of a child. We are not uncertain of God, but uncertain of what He is going to do next. If we are only certain in our beliefs, we get dignified and severe and have the ban of finality about our views; but when we are rightly related to God, life is full of spontaneous, joyful uncertainty and expectancy." --Oswald Chambers
I want to live like this. I want to feel God's lead and be confident enough to walk with a blindfold over my eyes knowing that even though it feels like I'm free-falling I'm actually being carried in the palm of his hands. I want to break away from the normal-ness that is safe, certain... vanilla. I want to dive further into a life that is mysterious for the wonders that are God. I want to be one that trusts more times than doubts. I want to be one that follows more times than tries to lead. I want to be one to sing out in worship more times than cry in disappointment. I want to be one to teach my children about God's love through example and not words. My heart yearns for this. I'm moving more and more towards this everyday even though it's a process. I just want to be so close to God that when he whispers in my ear I don't even have to turn my head closer to hear because I'm already that close.
As I'm reading through 2 Samuel I'm seeing on the pages David talking to God. A conversation between the two. David asks and God answers. Simple as that. David knows what God is saying, directing him to do, where to go and it is up to him to listen or to turn away but the question isn't whether or not he hears what God was telling him it is is whether or not he chooses to obey. I want to hear God. I realize this means that I have to listen. Sometimes that's hard for me (I'm better at talking) but it really is my heart's desire to follow his lead, become like a little child and ultimately "live a life of uncertainty with breathless expectation."